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keithstache

I'm Keith Hernandez's mustache. And you're not. I like bad baseball teams and good beer.
keithstache has written 63 posts for keithstache

Dear Police

I am not a police officer. I realize it can be an incredibly stressful and dangerous job. But in light of the murder of George Floyd and the historic mistreatment of minority populations and economically disadvantaged communities, I do share some advice from my perch as just a regular American citizen. Dear police, You are … Continue reading

Skittles and Poisonous Mushrooms

In his 1938 children’s story “The Poisonous Mushroom,” Nazi party member Julius Streicher presents a mother’s lesson on Jewish people to her son. “Just as a single poisonous mushroom can kill a whole family, so a solitary Jew can destroy a whole village, a whole city, even an entire nation.”  Recently, Cheeto Mussolini’s eldest progeny, … Continue reading

False Messiahs and False Kings

“For false messiahs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and wonders to deceive, if possible, even the elect.” – Matthew 24:24 After almost four full nights of hate filled fear mongering, complete with calls and chants, reminiscent of a third world banana republic, to extra judicially imprison the opposing party’s candidate, and … Continue reading

The USA and Capital Punishment, Healthcare, Etc

I am going to name a series of nations: Canada, France, Germany, Denmark, Australia, and Spain. Now I’m going to list another group of nations: Iran, Saudi Arabia, China, North Korea, and the United States. The first group of countries have all abolished the death penalty. The second collection of nations, by contrast, all kill … Continue reading

The Senate Torture Report: Dick Cheney as America’s Torquemada

The recently released Senate Torture Report brings to my mind the “Grand Inquisitor” legend from Dostoevsky’s “The Brothers Karamazov,” perhaps the greatest chapter in all of literature. At the height of the Spanish Inquisition, with the frail old Cardinal Inquisitor ordering the burning of hundreds of heretics a day, Christ returns, not for the second … Continue reading

The Midterm Election

If you’re a young adult between 23 and 26 on your mom or dad’s insurance, or you’re a person with a preexisting medical condition, you better thank your lucky stars that Barack Obama is still the president for two more years. His veto pen will be the only thing stopping a bunch of mean old … Continue reading

My Cold Dead Hands

I am so mad that Dictator Cuomo wants us to register our guns! I know, it’s not confiscation, but it’s a slippery slope. Next he’ll be telling us to register our cars. And universal background checks!? What tyranny! First guns, then we’ll need background and credit checks to rent an apartment or get a home … Continue reading

The Drug Trade is Laissez-Faire Capitalism at its Purest

If you want to see pure free market trickledown capitalism at its Ayn Rand-ian finest, look to the drug trade. No unions fighting to get more of those corporate profits into the pockets of the street level slingers. No government regulations requiring warning labels for any negative health effects brought on by the product. You … Continue reading

How To Write a Steroids in Baseball Column

If you are an old school sportswriter, a member of that tribe of grumpy men who compensate for their youthful athletic inadequacies by penning diatribes against so-called entitled, lazy, and greedy pro athletes—all from the safe confines of the press box and its free buffet spread—because, “Dagnammit, if I had his ability, I’d get my … Continue reading

Some Random Thoughts on Poverty

I have a tough time telling poor people to go out and work their butts off to make minimum wage when I get paid a lot of money, with paid holiday, vacation, and sick time, to simply show up at my job and not do a whole lot. Sure, I’ve worked hard in the past, … Continue reading

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