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The NRA’s Mendaciously Appalling Statement

The NRA's solution to school shootings is Kindergarten Cop

The NRA’s solution to school shootings is Kindergarten Cop

So the NRA, that group of totally not gay manly men who love the feel of hard metal phallic devices in their hands, sent organization president Wayne LaPierre out to address the Newtown shooting. Here are some of my random thoughts:

(1) The NRA, through a faux showing of concern, literally fantasizes about more shootings, because mass shootings give members the chance to live out their fantasies of being hero vigilantes by shooting back (mostly, though, it’s a fantasy about killing people), and, as the NRA knows, there is always a spike in gun sales after each school shooting.

(2) “Isn’t fantasizing about killing people as a way to get your kicks the filthiest form of pornography?” – Wayne LaPierre, who thinks he’s talking about violent video games, but is inadvertently describing what drives the gun lobby’s market demand.

(3) I’ll concede that violent movies and video games may be part of the problem, but it’s asinine for the NRA to blame pretend violence more than real guns.

(4) It hurts LaPierre’s feelings when the guns that were used to swiftly kill 26 innocent people are called “assault weapons.”

(5) LaPierre uses more italics than a Dan Brown novel.

(6) The NRA wants a national registry for those who, through no fault of their own, have a mental illness, but no registry for gun owners who choose to have firearms.

(7) ”We volunteer to have the government pay us lots of money to arm your schools.”  – The NRA (I paraphrase). Nice! LaPierre’s education model is Kindergarten Cop! For claiming to be all about freedom, the NRA sure seems to have no problem turning our schools into police states.

(8) Through this press conference, the NRA has decided it wants no part of any meaningful contribution toward reducing gun violence. I hope Obama and Congress grant LaPierre his wish.

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About keithstache

I'm Keith Hernandez's mustache. And you're not. I like bad baseball teams and good beer.

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