Willard M. Romney, America’s Ken doll on the campaign trail, once said, “Corporations are people, my friend.” Even if DNA tests were to one day confirm this Republican truism, it would not necessarily make the reverse true. (Remember geometry class. Squares and rectangles, yo!) But, who knows, maybe people and corporations are interchangeable! To find out, the perfect test candidates would be Thomas Friedman and Apple. New York Times columnist and corporate shill Thomas Friedman thinks he discovered globalization after dialing his phone and reaching a call center in India, and has yet to meet a billionaire who doesn’t have the answer to every American economic woe. Apple is a third world-exploiting multinational company that is somehow worshipped by anti-corporate liberal hipster dipshits. And both Friedman and Apple are like History Channel shows (Ancient Aliens!), filled with unmitigated nonsensical bullshit, yet, strangely, claimed by idiots everywhere as proof of their intellectual curiosity.
Why do I bring all this up? I’ll answer my own rhetorical question. Friedman wrote a turd nugget of a column about the economy and jobs on Sunday, January 28th and I want to call him out on it. In this turd nugget of a column he mentions Apple and the late, great Steve Jobs (off to iHeaven!) gettin’ real with President Obama. But to show that he’s totally an independent thinker, Friedman opens by quoting a world dignitary who is critical of the Republican presidential candidates, too. Who did Friedman get? Nelson Mandela? Elie Wiesel? Dude got Fidel Effing Castro! Let’s alienate anyone who might consider taking your opinion seriously.
You don’t need Fidel to crap on Republicans. I can do it. Watch this. Do you want a moon colony that nobody’s asking for? Then Newt’s your man. He will defend the sanctity of marriage, marriage, and one more marriage. Newt Gingrich will always love America. Unless it gets cancer. Okay, tangent over. Back to Friedman.
Friedman contrasts politicians, who “see the world as blocs of voters living in specific geographies,” with visionary C.E.O.’s, who “increasingly see the world as a place where their products can be made anywhere through global supply chains (often assembled with nonunion-protected labor) and sold everywhere.” To highlight this point, Friedman brings up the much talked about meeting last February between President Obama and Steve Jobs. Obama asked if all those iPhones and iPads made overseas could be made back home and Jobs curtly replied, “Those jobs aren’t coming back.”
Friedman, like he always does, then blames Americans for not being creative enough or smart enough or talented enough to beat out foreigners for jobs with American companies. Maybe Friedman could have read his own newspaper’s January 21st4,600 word report about the Foxconn factory in China that makes a lot of Apple’s iPods, iPhones, and iPads.
The Foxconn facility “has 230,000 employees, many working six days a week, often spending up to 12 hours a day at the plant. Over a quarter of Foxconn’s workforce lives in company barracks and many workers earn less than $17 a day.” One time, when Steve Jobs found a flaw with a new iPhone screen, workers were roused from sleep, given a cup of tea and a biscuit, and made to start 12 hour shifts fitting screens into iPhone frames.
This is why Americans can’t find jobs. No American will or should work for $1.42 an hour. Those Chinese workers aren’t any more naturally talented, just available to be exploited and work for far less.
The next time you hear some self satisfied billionaire C.E.O., or one of his columnist shills like Thomas Friedman, blame American schools for not educating young people for a changing world economy, you’ll know they’re full of shit. They’re greedy assholes who don’t want to pay a living wage because a billion and one is always better than a billion in profits. But, sadly, it’s not just idiot columnists who are fooled by the likes of Apple. Think of all the liberal young people, ostensibly concerned with social justice, who mourned the death of Steve Jobs like he was freakin’ Gandhi. Just goes to show that corporate hegemony is okay if evil companies make faddish products that hipsters like.