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Rick Santorum Tells Us Who Deserves Health Care

Rick Santorum, a man obsessed with your sex life, now obsesses about your cable and cell phone bills

Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum, who should never be president, thinks if you have a cell phone, you should shut your trap about health care costs. Former Pennsylvania Senator Santorum, who, thanks to taxpayer dime, receives a lifetime supply of the best health coverage in the world, said this about a poor woman worrying about scraping together $200 per month to pay for life-saving prescriptions:

I had a woman the other day who came up and complained to me that she has to pay $200 a month for her prescriptions…I said, in other words, this $200 a month keeps you alive, she goes yes. I said, and you’re complaining that you’re paying $200 a month and it keeps you alive? What’s your cable bill? I mean, what’s your cell phone bill? Because she had a cell phone. And how can you say that you complain that you have $200 to keep you alive and that’s a problem? No, that’s a blessing!

Never mind that Santorum never asks the woman if her cell phone doubles as her house phone, a common trait among poor and not so poor people today. And never mind that finding a job is near impossible without a cell phone for potential employers to call back. And never mind that a year’s worth of cell phone bills cost less than one trip to the emergency room. His stance towards the poor is a spiteful fuck you. For conservatives assholes like Santorum,* health care and food and shelter are not basic human rights. They’re entitlements, gifts that bourgeoisie bastards like Santorum deign to share with the proletariat, provided the poor bow down, kiss Santorum’s feet, and show their appreciation for his benevolence by never having soda or candy or God forbid a fucking beer.

I won’t say conservatives, because not all conservatives hate poor people. Just conservative assholes.

Santorum’s condescending hatred of the working and non-working poor is sadly popular amongst many in this country. Florida governor Rick Scott recently signed a bill requiring welfare applicants to undergo drug screening. I wish I could say this is just one idiot governor who wants to waste taxpayer dollars on frivolous drug testing that could be better spent, ya know, creating jobs or feeding the poor, but his views are shared by many. Hell, there are more than 1.5 million people who “like” a Facebook page titled MAKING DRUG TEST MANDATORY FOR WELFARE. And I don’t know how many times I’ve seen my Facebook friends post condescending comments like “if you have enough money to buy beer and cigarettes, you don’t need food stamps,” as if (1) food stamps can be used to buy booze (they can’t) and (2) it’s not degrading enough for these poor people to have to beg for social services, they must openly live a life of monk-life austerity to prove themselves worthy of not going hungry.

The poor are stuck in a cycle of no escape. The economy stinks, peoples lives are in the dumpers, and once in awhile some sad sack gets high to take his mind off of life, and if Rick Scott and Rick Santorum get their way, he’ll lose his food stamps and welfare. And then what will he do? He won’t get a job at Wal-Mart, which makes you take a piss test for the privilege of stocking shelves for minimum wage and don’t even think about starting a union to fight for better working conditions.

I have a better idea than wasting taxpayer money on useless drug testing. Let’s spend taxpayer money creating public works jobs. Let’s create incentives for private companies to hire the unemployed (even those unemployed who may have smoked weed in the past six months. The economy won’t get better if they’re not allowed to work). If people had jobs, or, even better, jobs that paid a living wage, they might not get depressed and turn to drugs so often. If we give people living wage jobs, they’ll be able to afford cell phones and prescriptions (or we could just have universal health care, like all the other first world nations. But that’s a story for another day). And then Rick “Man on Dog” Santorum could go back to worrying about important things, like how gay marriage will magically lead to bestiality.

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About keithstache

I'm Keith Hernandez's mustache. And you're not. I like bad baseball teams and good beer.

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