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Anthony Weiner’s Weiner

Free advice: (1) If your last name’s Weiner, you probably shouldn’t be sending out pictures of your junk on Twitter. And (2) I don’t care what your last name is, don’t send dick pics.

The bombastic Anthony Weiner, (D-NY), representative ex-representative for New York’s 9th congressional district, did not follow my advice. Previously well known in liberal circles and heroically praised by progressives for his theatrically loud and aggressive outbursts in Congress against conservatives, Weiner became a household name this past month for a picture sent from his own Twitter account to a 21 year female college student in Seattle. The picture showed a man’s groin area, covered by tight boxer briefs, with a bulge that might have caused a ’40’s movie starlet to ask, “Is that a gun, or are you just happy to see me?”

Weiner vigorously denied sending the offending twit pic, suggesting that somehow, someway, perhaps with the power of unicorns and pixie dust, someone hacked into his Twitter account and posted that picture to bring scandal upon him. Weiner then urged reporters to move on and talk about real issues. But (of course!) he couldn’t claim for certain that the picture was not of him. After all, who doesn’t have half naked pictures of themselves floating around the internet? Well, Weiner didn’t know it was a personal picture until Monday, when Washington Times writer Andrew Breitbart threatened to release more Weiner pictures (including one of an oily waxed chest), forcing Weiner to admit in a press conference that, by golly, he did send that picture! Over the past three years, it was revealed, he’d been using Twitter and Facebook to flirt online with at least six women who happened to not be his wife. Oh, and he says he’s deeply sorry.

Weiner is the latest in a long line of horn dog politicians. There’s Republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich, dubbed by Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi as a man “with a wandering pee-pee,” who’s cheated on not one, but two wives! Yet, Newt does have an excuse. In his own words, “There’s no question at times in my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about my country, that I worked too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate.” Or, put differently, God bless America!

And there’s former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards, the populist with the $400 haircut. He cheated on his wife Elizabeth while she was dying from terminal cancer and had a love child with his mistress that he tried to cover up with presidential campaign funds. But, you have to admit, he was a compassionate cheater. In an interview, Edwards claimed his affair was “oncologically correct” since he only strayed during those periods when Elizabeth’s cancer was in remission.

And finally there’s Bill Clinton, who I won’t get into, other than to repeat this tweet from Minnesota representative Pat Garofalo: “Somewhere James Carville is thankful that Bill Clinton didn’t have a cellphone with a camera back in the ‘90’s.”

But how do we explain Anthony Weiner, the first of the political philanderers to bring his scandal to Twitter? His one defense is that he never met any of these women in person, meaning our congressional horn dog never took the physical intimacy of his affairs beyond onanism. But he’s still a fool. One, he’s married, and cheating is cheating whether it’s physical or emotional. And two, even if he wasn’t married, the dude totally doesn’t get social cues.

Hey, Weiner! Flirting doesn’t mean what you think it does. Yeah, flirting sometimes means a person is interested. But sometimes flirting is just harmless fun. There are socially acceptable ways to find out. Most people take flirting as a sign that maybe it’s okay to take a step and say, “Hey, wanna meet up for coffee sometime?” Or, if they’re bold, they may respond to flirting with a more straightforward, “Would you like to go on a date?” If she says yes, great, if not, move on. And then there’s Representative Weiner, who thinks flirting is a woman’s way of asking for an unsolicited photo of his namesake.

This expression says "I look like I'm a dick." Thanks to last month's news, we now know for a fact that, yes, he is a dick


About keithstache

I'm Keith Hernandez's mustache. And you're not. I like bad baseball teams and good beer.


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